apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
