Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
