my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
