that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
