connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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