she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
