Im at strip club and am horny
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
