my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
