My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
