He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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