1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
