My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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