Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
