belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
