I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
