My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
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