we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
