oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
