There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
