OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
