I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
