is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
