Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
