my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
