Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
