I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
