Dude my mom stole all your condoms
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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