im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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