We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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