You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
