Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
