so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
