I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
