I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
