Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Still dying that you shit outside
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
