'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
