quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
