whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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