bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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