Don't make out with my wife yet
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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