saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
