South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
