Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
