glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
