He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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