is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
