True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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