Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
