I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
