Christians are straight up FREAKS
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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