My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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