i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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