i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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