she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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